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Oct 20

To The Guy I Walked Away From #BehindTheBlogger

In my last #BehindTheBlogger post, I wrote about “the best of times,” but I left out one last reason: I was in love.

I had to battle it out in my head about actually sharing this, but…there is honestly nothing else that fits the theme better:

itwillallmakesensesomeday

This is a letter to the guy I walked away from.

I remember the day I first met you.

We were smitten from the start, and officially together a week later. If my first “relationship” showed me everything I didn’t want in a relationship, you showed me everything it was that I did want, and more.

They say the honeymoon phase usually only lasts 3 months, but with you, it never ended. In place of lies, I had honesty. You encouraged and supported me in everything that I did, but you were also my voice of reason.

You noticed the little things that made me happy, and tried to fill my life with them. You cooked me delicious food, started me on my fitness journey by teaching me how to lift, stocked your kitchen with my favorite things, and unbeknownst to me, came up with elaborate schemes with my friends so that I could spend more time with them.

Life was good to me, but you just made it better.

We knew we didn’t need each other, but I think we enhanced each other’s lives. I could be rearranging furniture or folding laundry with you and still be thinking there was no place I’d rather be.

You were the only person I’d ever known that I could imagine a future with. You caught me off guard–I hadn’t even known that it was possible to get along with someone so well, but there we’d be–reading each other’s minds and finishing each other’s sentences. I lost track of how many times I’d think of something and look up across the room to see you meeting my gaze, because the same thought had just popped into your head.

iwouldhavelovedyouallmylife

You made me feel like the luckiest girl on the planet, and I remember thinking, “Whatever it was that I did to deserve you, I’m forever grateful.” With you, I felt a connection I’ve never been able to find with anyone else. You told me that you didn’t necessarily believe in the concept of soulmates, but if such a thing existed, you thought I was the one.

How did something so perfect fall to pieces so quickly?

We had nothing to fight over, but it was the first serious relationship I’d ever been in. I’d spent the last “relationship” walking on eggshells, scared to speak, worried that anything I shared about how I felt would somehow be twisted around and used against me.

You told me you needed time to figure yourself out. I didn’t understand, but I decided to give you space, because at the time, I honestly didn’t believe our story would ever have an ending, and even if it did, I believed we’d find a way back to each other.

So I walked away.

And just like that, after a month of silence, you were with someone else. I’d known for a while that she was interested in you, but I’d never had a reason to doubt you before, ever. I was completely blindsided. Was this what you’d meant? Had everything been a lie? How had I not seen it coming?

When I confronted you, you said you didn’t see it going anywhere, that you’d told her you weren’t over me…and that she’d said that that was fine with her. Then why was she with you?

You asked to see me before you moved away. I couldn’t bring myself to say no. We talked for hours, and I was struck by how nothing between us had changed in the slightest. But I didn’t want to be “the other woman.” I deserved more than that.

After you left, you’d call and we’d talk almost every night. She knew about this, but how could someone be okay with that? Why were you with her, and why were you doing this to me? Why was I letting you?

decidingwhetherto

I started setting deadlines for myself–“if by this time, nothing’s changed, cut off all contact with him”…but I kept extending them, making excuses for you, for me.

You never meant to hurt me, but I no longer believe.

It will all make sense someday.

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Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.

Please hop along and read all of the blog posts in this weeks hop. Just click the links below. If you want real and raw emotion, then you will find it here. After you read each post, please comment and share. We want to get to know you too!

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42 comments

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  1. GiGi Eats

    I am the type of person who NEVER gives up – never. Which is quite exhausting too. However, I also don’t give AF… Ha! I am interesting breed. lol
    GiGi Eats recently posted…More From Your Core, Guest PostMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Hahaha, I’m just going to go with the fact that you’ve found an awesome balance! 😛

  2. AlexandraFunFit

    I almost thought this was a sad story, until I realized how confident you now sound. So you gained much more probably than you lost.
    AlexandraFunFit recently posted…Hobbies and Mental FitnessMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thank you! :] I like to think that I did!

  3. Angela @ Happy Fit Mama

    It’s so hard to let go when it feels right to you. But if he’s not all in, you shouldn’t need to convince someone to be with you. Great writing!
    Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted…The Emotions of a DNF Six Months LaterMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thanks so much, Angela! I definitely agree; I want to be with someone who wants to be with me and will put forth the effort to be in my life. :]

  4. diana

    what a beautiful and vulnerable post! I am glad you had the courage to walk away, because you deserve someone that will treat you AMAZING all the time. ENjoy the moments and good times you can and keep on looking for the right one that deserves you!! I have a similiar story and am on my search. I will never settle ! 🙂

    1. Farrah

      Thanks so much, Diana! <3 I refuse to settle as well, hehe. I hope we both find someone who's all sorts of awesome! :]

  5. Susan

    Oh My Gosh, you brought tears to my eyes. I know I have been there when it comes to catty women and I have found that time will be your friend. Thanks for sharing such a personal story.
    Susan recently posted…Luscious Lemon CookiesMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      I’m sorry about that! <3! Time is probably the best "medicine" of sorts when it comes to heartbreak, hehehe. 😛

  6. Alex

    Hmmm. I think you did the right thing walking away. The whole thing about wanting space to figure things out and suddenly having another girlfriend that “really isn’t leading anywhere” ehr. Sounds like he’s some more figuring out to do 😉 But I totally empathize about how hard it is to walk away from a connection that feels good (whilst feeling bad).

    I’m sure you’ll find someone that’s feeling right without any added “Buts”.

    Have a great day!
    Alex recently posted…Bergamo Alta – And Distressed Jeans, Layered LaceMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Haha, he did, and he admitted that from the start, so I did appreciate that honesty. Mayhaps I was a little too naive at the time and thought that things would just work themselves out!

      I hope I do! :] It’d be rather awesome to have someone to go on adventures with! 😛

  7. Vicky

    Great post, Farrah! So sorry you had to go through this, but I love that he was able to show you what you want in a person. Hold out for the guy where you not only feel all of this, but also feels it for you in return! Its his loss that he let you walk away! Don’t beat yourself up too hard for maintaining contact with him…when you’re ready to fully let him go you will. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story!
    Vicky recently posted…Exploring Budapest, HungaryMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thanks, Vicky! :] Although it didn’t last, I’m also glad that I for-sure know all he things I really want in a relationship now too! We haven’t spoken in a couple years–just separately working on our respective lives now! 😮

  8. Coco

    Oh, this is so bittersweet! But you deserve someone who only wants to be with you! (and, since this was a blogging prompt, I will add, great storytelling!)
    Coco recently posted…Diet Rules — Moderation Or Deprivation?My Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thanks so much, Coco! :] I like to think that I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me (and will make the effort to do so) too! Here’s to hoping I find em’ someday! 😛

  9. Autumn

    Beautiful post. IMHO – His loss, not yours. Period. End of Story. You did the right thing walking away. I know its hard to move on, dont beat yourself up. Stay strong and move on <3
    Autumn recently posted…Crunch On This Dark Chocolate Granola RecipeMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thanks, Autumn! :] On a brighter note, since then, I’ve gotten a master’s degree and am finishing up med school and going for a field that I love and adore, so I can’t really complain. 😀 I’ve been super blessed with the other people in my life too. <3

  10. Julie @ Running in a Skirt

    Oh… love…
    As someone who dated a lot of the wrong person… even people who I had a amazing connection with… you did the right thing.
    The right relationship will not be that hard and the person you are supposed to be with will not leave. Wait until you find someone you trust completely… then all of this will just be a learning experience.
    You are right though– so hard to see and understand in the moment… one day this will be the experience you appreciate because it shows you how good a relationship can be.
    Julie @ Running in a Skirt recently posted…Hawksbill Mountain Hike in the Linville GorgeMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      I’d definitely had some questionable picks before this relationship, so I went through a time where I was seriously doubting my judge of character, hahaha. Despite everything that happened, I am still glad in the sense that at least I learned something from it! I like to try not to dwell on the negative parts, so I keep the good memories around, but also remember the difficult ones so I will hopefully know what to do if something like this happens again. (I sincerely hope it doesn’t though. I think once is enough, haha.)

  11. Chanelle @ Lizventures.com

    Thanks for sharing this. I know it sounds cheesy, but I bet someday you’ll look back at this time with gratitude because something even more wonderful came along! 🙂

    1. Farrah

      Hehehe, the closet sap in me hopes so too! :]!

  12. dixya @ food, pleasure, and health

    so sorry Farrah you had to go through it..after couple of failed relationships, i have realized that if someone truly cared for you, they would make it happen. im always little worried when people say i need a distance or figure things out..its just a nicer and slower way of separating things..i hope you have someone amazing/caring/loving waiting for you.
    dixya @ food, pleasure, and health recently posted…Nepali-Style Goat PakkuMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thanks so much, Dixya! <3 That's my philosophy as well--I'd like to think that if someone really wanted to be in my life, they'd put forth the effort to stay and/or try to work things out. I hope I find someone super awesome who thinks I'm the bee's knees someday too! 😛

  13. Jessi Haynes

    I *love* this series (I participate sometimes, too!) This was a great post, thanks for sharing your experiences so honestly.
    Jessi Haynes recently posted…My Coaching PhilosophyMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thanks so much! I love this series too, and how open-ended these topics are! I discovered em’ fairly recently but I like popping in whenever I can think up something to share! :]

  14. Emilie

    Walking away from a relationship is always hard but if you feel like it’s the right thing to do deep down, then it’s the right thing to do. I love these more personal posts from you 🙂
    Emilie recently posted…Rocking a Midi Skirt from eShaktiMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      This one was probably the hardest to walk away from for me, but I’m glad that I did.

      (And thank you! I’m not usually in the practice of sharing super personal stuff, but I like that about this writing prompt–I think it challenges me in a good way. :] )

  15. Kaylin@EnticingHealthyEating

    Wow, this is heavy, Farrah. I feel for you. I always believe in listening to your gut instinct when it comes to relationships. It’s gotten me far in life–both in love and friendship.
    Kaylin@EnticingHealthyEating recently posted…Welcome to the New Enticing Healthy EatingMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      I have major issues distinguishing between brain vs. heart when it comes to relationships! 😛 When I peaced out of this one, I felt like it was more my mind telling me to stop the nonsense and walk away/let go. A piece of me really wanted to stay, but I’m glad I listened to whatever it was that spurred me to go.

  16. Rachel @ RachelMcMichael.com

    Thank you! For being vulerable. For sharing your heart. I love this series and can personally relate to your story – that chapter is in my book, too! And it’s SO tough. You’re so strong and so wise!!
    Rachel @ RachelMcMichael.com recently posted…Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Bites Featuring Might Nut {Giveaway}My Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thanks so much, Rachel! <3 Definitely not a fun experience to go through, but I like to think that at the least, there's always something we can learn from these experiences! :]

  17. Amber @ Awakened Nutrition

    Thank you for sharing your story. I know that wasn’t easy and I am sorry that happened to you. Ending a relationship is never easy and I can’t imagine how it must have felt to leave one that seemed perfect. You sound like an amazingly strong woman and I can tell you are only going to come out of this even stronger! Keep up the great posts! xo

    1. Farrah

      Thanks so much, Amber! <3 I tend to shy away from super personal topics because it feels weird to share (I've never been particularly gifted at sharing how I feel, hehe), but once I started writing for that prompt, there was really only one story that fit it best!

  18. Susie @ SuzLyfe

    Such a raw and insightful post. I never had to walk away from Alex, but I imagine this is a similar story to the one that i would tell if we hadn’t made it.
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Creamy Vegan Pumpkin Sauce Over Zucchini Noodles Recipe (Vegan, Gluten Free)My Profile

    1. Farrah

      I’m glad you never had to! <3 I'm glad I at least learned something from mine, so at least it wasn't a total loss!

  19. Alyssa @ Renaissancerunnergirl

    Wow, this made me sad… but not for you, for whoever that girl is he ended up with. YOU decided to treat yourself respectfully and realize it was time to let go, whereas she may spend her whole life with someone who wishes she were someone else.
    Alyssa @ Renaissancerunnergirl recently posted…WIAW #28: Sweet Potatoes to Spaghetti SquashMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      That was the part I never could understand. (I’d like to think) I wouldn’t ever consent to being with someone if I felt that he didn’t truly want to be with me, and especially not if they came right out and said that to me. I never knew her end of the story though, so that will remain a mystery!

  20. Jill

    This post made me sad :(. I hate that he broke your heart
    Jill recently posted…Life Lately…My Profile

    1. Farrah

      I’m sorry! I hate it too, but on the plus side, I’m fairly durable, so I’m okay! :]

  21. Jess @hellotofit

    I think you did the right thing, Farrah. It’s hard to see how our actions could have possibly been good for us, but later on we may realize that it was just what we needed! Thanks for being honest in sharing your story with us.
    Jess @hellotofit recently posted…Salmon asparagus egg muffinsMy Profile

    1. Farrah

      Thanks, Jess! I think I did too–it really sucked having to make that decision, but I wanted someone who’d choose to be with me and actually do so, so it’s probably better that it happened, even though it royally sucked!

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