May 02

The Spinster Cat Lady

This post was inspired by Spinster: Making A Life One’s Own, by Kate Bolick! 

fl2wdisclaimer

fromleft2writespinsterAs far as Chinese standards go, I am actually well on my way to becoming a “剩女” (leftover woman). When we talk on the phone, my dad likes to muse out loud on all the possible reasons as to why I’ve had such an unsuccessful love life (gee, thanks, dad! :O ).

My friends have always been a lot more uplifting (e.g. “Farrah, I don’t understand…you’re sweet as sh*t, you’re adorable, you’re in great shape, and you cook the best food ever! I’d marry you if I weren’t straight!”), because they’re full of awesome.

I still stand by my previous statement that I would much, much rather be alone forever than to be stuck in a horrible + unhappy relationship. I’m content enough with my alone-ness, to the point that I’m pretty sure it’s set off several alarm bells with my family. (They didn’t really like hearing that I didn’t/don’t want kids either, but we’ll get to that in another post.)

I joke all the time about how I’m well on my way to becoming a spinster cat lady. (C’mon now, my second home–and I don’t mean that figuratively–is at a cat rescue with 80+ cats, how could I not?!)

psaccats

Forserious, we have a lot of cats. :O

Unlike Kate, the protagonist in Spinster, I feel like I’ve kept myself busy enough that [thinking about] getting married has never been a point of focus in my life.

She often seemed to feel tied down in her relationships, which troubled and saddened me in the sense that it reinforces what I feel is the standard in a lot of relationships today: commitment and just appreciating each other and not taking one another for granted seems to be a thing of the past.

Is it idealistic of me to think that when you’ve truly found the right person, you no longer feel like you have to keep looking, because they’re right there in front of you?

To each their own though–I think some people just really do better on their own, and I’m undecided as to whether or not that’s the case for me as well, because in all honesty, the idea of finding someone I look forward to spending time who makes me smile/laugh and want to be a better person who enhances my life just by being in it (+ vice versa) would be all sorts of awesome.

I’d want to “marry my best friend.” so to speak.

What are your thoughts on getting married? Have you ever been called a #spinster? #fromleft2write

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Medical school can be an extremely alienating experience. Having that support system, and knowing that there’s someone I can count on whose company I enjoy would be wonderful.

…But I’ve had to accept that my life is much too unstable and hectic right now for me to sustain an actual relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to the dude since I’m pretty much married to school right now, and don’t really even know where I’ll be living 3 months from now, let alone any thoughts of the future-future.

For the time being, I’ve chalked it up to something on my “perhaps someday” list.

Check out Kate Bolick’s Spinster: Making A Life One’s Own!

  • Are you single, dating, married, something in between?
  • Has your family ever gotten on your case about dating [or not dating] anyone?
  • Are you idealistic or cynical when it comes to relationships?

Permanent link to this article: https://www.fairyburger.com/the-spinster-cat-lady/

20 comments

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  1. You are absolutely right on marrying your best friend. Do it. That’s a big piece of advice I have as far as relationships go. Oh, and another huge one? Don’t settle. I’m proud of you for “owning” your single status as a spinster cat lady because it just shows you’re confident in yourself as you are now, without a guy! And you should be! Men are attracted to that–someone who can stand up on their own anyways–trust me. ;) Oh and I think we’ve discussed this before, but I do not want kids either. I definitely don’t want to give birth to my own, POSSIBLY adopting some day but…we’ll see. Find somebody who will respect your wishes on that as well. :)

    1. Thanks, Kaylin! <3 That's what I'm shootin' for, so here's to hoping I find someone like that someday! :]

      And yes indeed! I'm starting my OB/GYN rotation tomorrow and I think it's going to act as the best birth control in the world, ahaha. ;_; I most definitely do not want to give birth on my own either. Maybe if I could grow my kid in a petri dish? Surrogate mother? (Even then, I'm still leaning towards not, har har.)

  2. I have never been considered a spinster. But I’ll be honest, I’ve only ever dated/lived with one guy but it took me 8 years before deciding he was actually the person for me. I don’t believe there is only one person out there for everyone. I believe in finding someone who will grow with you. After 8 years of ups and downs I could no longer picture my life without him. Made sense to tie the knot. But if after that long I had still been thinking about doing things on my own than I won’t have done it. I don’t think anyone should ever be made fun off for being a spinster. Cats are awesome and I wish I could have five or six…
    Angela Tolsma recently posted…The Journey BeginsMy Profile

    1. I think it’s good that you waited til you were really sure though–so many people these days seem to just dive into relationships and not think about the long-term, and when things go bad, they leave. I’m so glad you found someone awesome! :]!

  3. I’m actually jealous of the silence you would have! Enjoy!

    1. I have semi-one-sided conversations with my cat, and it’s wonderful, hahaha.

  4. I’m 36 and single and literally the ONLY one in my group of family/friends in this situation. It’s not by choice! I mean heck I’d love to be in a relationship but it just hasn’t happened yet. I always feel like the odd one out. Oh also I have 2 cats! Haha :)
    Jill recently posted…Relocation DreamsMy Profile

    1. Most of my friends haven’t tied the knot yet, but they’re starting to. :x I think it’d be awesome too, but just something that can’t really be forced, haha. Yay for cats in the meantime! :]

  5. Holy cats, Batman!

    Not sure if you can view this or not, but…. I HOPE SO!!
    https://www.facebook.com/Candela95.1FM/videos/783241585094242/?pnref=story
    Alex recently posted…Finding Love OnlineMy Profile

    1. It didn’t show up on my comments feed, but when I went to the actual post, it showed up…AND THEY ARE ADORABLE! <3

      It's actually like that at the cat shelter, except that they're all sorts of different colors/shapes/sizes! <3!!!

  6. I can see why you’re a cat lady. They are so adorable! I have one cat but if I didn’t have kids I’d probably have more.
    Thien-Kim recently posted…Giveaway: Invention of Wings by Sue Monk KiddMy Profile

    1. I’m not planning on having kids, so I’m probably gonna have a whole zoo of animals! <3!

  7. Cat ladies unite!!
    Right now I don’t know how I’d carve out space in my life for a relationship, and honestly? I don’t know if I care to. Between running and working and travelling it’s really full. Though I’m certain if the right person came along it would be easy for them to fit into my life.
    Ange @ Cowgirl Runs recently posted…Motivate Me Monday 5/4: Good and BadMy Profile

    1. Yes indeed! :P

      I felt the same way when I was in undergrad (and also now)–that I was wayyyy too busy to be able to make a relationship really work. From past experience, I know that if they meant enough to me, I’d find a way to carve out time to make it work, but since that hasn’t happened, I have plennnnnty of things I gotta do instead anyway! :P

  8. I really can’t imagine being in medical school and starting a new relationship — that’s a lot to handle at once! It was hard enough dating my now-husband in college because we both had to make sure we focused on studying. We dated long distance for 1 1/2 years, and it was hard, but I really think it helped both of us stay focused.

    To your point: “Is it idealistic of me to think that when you’ve truly found the right person, you no longer feel like you have to keep looking, because they’re right there in front of you?” — I think so! It sounds so cliche, but you really do just get a feeling and know that you’re with the right person! And it all happens in the right timing for you!

    1. Agreed! There are actually a lot of people in my class that started up relationships with each other, and some of em’ are still going strong, but I really can’t imagine doing that. :x

      Here’s to hopin’! My sense in being able to tell such things has been wrong before, so I’m working on trusting it again, haha. :P

  9. I married at 35. On my 30th birthday I was in West Virginia repairing a roof with a church group. The son of the homeowner told me I was an old-maid. I didn’t believe I’d be one forever though. I had a boyfriend, but we waited until I finished school to get married. I don’t regret it. I also spent a few years without a roommate having outgrown that phase. Enjoyed having a place all to myself; especially studying and going to school. There comes a time in your life when you are just done with the roommate drama.

    My husband’s niece broke up with her boyfriend when she entered pharmacy school. She didn’t want to be distracted while studying. She met her current boyfriend her last year. They are still dating (not even engaged yet) almost four years later. Now they are both paying off there loans and saving for a house. (She also dreams of having a home just for her cats.

    Sounds like you are on the right track and know what you want. Marrying your best friend is a great plan. You are so busy now you probably don’t have time for friends. Never settle.

    Also I never had kids. By the time I married my career was just starting to take off. The last thing I wanted to do was take time off to raise a family. Plus, I was the oldest of 6, so I spent a fair amount of time taking care of kids when I was a teen. I do have a few twinges of regret every now and then. This is new. I was fine up until about a year ago.
    Savvy recently posted…Does Your Husband Take Care of You?My Profile

    1. I actually really really miss living with my roommates. :[ I chose to live with a childhood close friend and I adored the two others that we lived with in our last year of college. We all grew to be super close (or even closer) and were blessed that we never actually had any roommate drama to deal with.

      Yep! I don’t want to settle [for less than what I think I deserve]! I want to work, and don’t want to have to take time off to raise a family either. I think I’m way too busy right now to sustain any kind of a functional relationship, and I’d feel terrible forcing him to move all over the place with me, since I have no idea where I’ll be/where I’ll end up next year, or over the next 3 years (etc.).

      I have enough interests and enough on my plate that I feel like having kids would just derail all my hopes and dreams in life. (I guess I gotta find someone who’s okay with that too!)

      Is adoption something that you would/could consider? :O

  10. My parents really used to get on my case before I got married. They expected me to be married much sooner than I had gotten married. I definitely think that I could’ve waited. I also am not a believer in “the one.” Thanks for challenging us to think about these questions!
    Phyllis recently posted…I Want To Be A SpinsterMy Profile

    1. Thank you for stopping by! :] My parents have kinda eased off lately because I think they realize that school is enough for me to worry about right now, haha. I’m sure they’ll bring it back up again though when I graduate! :P

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