Just a forewarning that this will be one of them longass entries. :O
If you are easily offended, you may want to skip the virgin sacrifice part.
Back in freshmen year of undergrad, a friend of mine told me/Suzanna that there was a movie that we had to watch, and that it was “better than any other movie ever created.” This is how we found ourselves trapped in her bedroom for the next 2 hours watching what, to us, was most definitely one of the most terrible movies in all of creation. Suzanna probably has one of the most open minds I know, and I like to think that I’m pretty open-minded (although there are certainly a number of instances/issues where I staunchly refuse to budge from), but that movie honestly made us feel like our minds had been violated. Violently. (We also didn’t have a clue what was going on.)
As you may have guessed from the title, it was indeed the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I understand that it’s a cult classic and people tend to either love or hate it. I have definitely been on the hater end for the past half-decade.
However, in my behavorial sciences class, our professor likes using movies to illustrate different disorders/conditions. They work disturbingly well as learning modules, and somewhere up in our future (sexual disorders), RHPS was listed as a suggested movie to watch.
One of my friends from class is a major fan. I guess I should give these friends names, so this doesn’t get confusing. Sam told us that the Bellevue Theater in Montclair was holding a midnight showing of RHPS and urged us to come, saying that it’s definitely “an experience that you have to try at least once in your lifetime.” This rang some unpleasant deeply dormant alarm bells in my head, because, as mentioned before, the last time I trusted a friend on this, I ended up feeling like someone had just blowtorched my mind.
To make a long story short, I was coerced into giving it another chance. I even promised to suspend the hate until after I’d seen it again. This was largely due to the description I read on the NJ Rocky page. As another friend (Luke) put it, “it’ll be an interesting experience, if nothing else.”
(How very right he was.)
So, Friday night, after I went to Costco/H Mart with my housemates, I went home for a super-quick dinner of 12 dumplings and a plate of fake fried rice. Sam was going separately with 2 other friends, so he said he’d meet us there. I’d told Chris beforehand that he could park in my backyard, which fits 5 cars comfortably (meaning that none of them will block each other out), so after he got to my house, we walked to Luke’s (he lives 2 minutes away! :O I found this out last Friday, which is when I first had an actual conversation with him; I am mentioning this for a reason).
After congregating at Luke’s, he drove us to Montclair. None of us had costumes (unless you count our extremely convincing impressions of students?) for the costume contest, but that was a-okay. When Sam got there, he very enthusiastically branded Luke/I with black lipstick “V’s” on our foreheads. (To his credit, we did give our consent.)
This basically ensures that we would be stuck into participating in the “virgin sacrifices,” which is apparently what they call anyone who hasn’t seen the movie in an actual theater. I’d read about their devirginization process online and Sam apparently had to make animal orgasm noises at his (he also apparently married someone. question mark?). I can’t even begin to imagine what those sound like, so I was kinda happy that that wasn’t what we had to do, but…I will get to that.
Theater screenings of RHPS are apparently worlds away from watching them at home. Although the film is indeed playing in the background, there’s also a live cast acting it out in front of the screen, not to mention, a whole lot of audience participation. There’s also a prop bag you can buy for 3 bucks that includes “everything you need for the show.”
- This is an offensive show. Be offensive.
- This show may use strobe lights and/or smoke machines. Epileptics beware.
- Do not light the theatre on fire. Fire bad.
- Do not throw anything at the screen, the stage or the cast. The only exception is during the twenty dollar bill scene.
- There is no rule number 6. There are two rule number 8’s.
- If you come to the show drunk, please do not throw up. If you come to the show high, please feed your munchies with stuff from our concession stand.
- Come to the show scantily clad. Save the naked for after the show.
- You can have sex in the theatre but be prepared to get stared at when we shine a spotlight on you.
- The shoe gets more fun when you participate, so dance, sing, throw stuff, yell lines and meet strangers.
- Give us your money. Please buy stuff from the merch table. We are broke.
Of our group of 6, half of us were “virgins.” When we got into the theater, there was a dance party of sorts happening on stage. Chris/Luke/I opted out of it and tried to talk in our seats. The prop bag, we discovered, contained rice, playing cards, a piece of toast, newspaper, a roll of toilet paper, and confetti.
After the costume contest (Aquaman and “wet dream” won), they held true to their word and rounded up all the “virgins.” We were lined up on stage and the guy goes up to the first person and tells him to lie on the floor. The second person kneels in front of their feet (oh, do you see where this is going). And down the line he went.
The two guys (Jon, Luke) to my right (your left) + me = the victims of our group. The guy to my left is invading my personal bubble/does not realize that I’m standing there.
Us listening in apprehension, and holy crap, I just realized how tall Luke is. I look puny!
“Oh hell,” was probably my first reaction to what it looked like we were going to be doing.
A box of donuts were opened and they dropped one on the crotch area of everyone that happened to be lying down, and the kneelers (I happened to be one of those) were told to bend down/closer. It is at this point where I am distinctly recalling putting, “Do something that is completely out of your comfort zone,” on my list of things to do within the next couple years (101 in 1001).
Please note what the girl two to the right of the superhero is doing, and the uncomfortable crossing of arms Jon is exhibiting. That was how I was feeling on the inside, but I tend to mask mortal humiliation with nervous laughter.My “Really? We really have to do this?” face. I apologized for the awkward in advance.
If kneeling in front of a guy (Luke; granted, we’re in the same class, but whoa there, shouldn’t we at least have dinner together first?) I did not know well at all and eating a cream-filled donut off said crotch-region on a stage in front of over 100 people does not qualify for “completely out of my comfort zone,” I have not a clue what else would. But here’s the bright side:
- I was not alone.
- I get to cross “doing something completely out of my comfort zone” off my list.
- The donut was pretty freaking good.
That said, I do believe it was as awkward for me as it was for him, but on a brighter note, we definitely all had a good laugh about it. And of course, it’s after everyone did this that they said, “Y’know, we never said you couldn’t use your hands.”
I will spare you [mostly me] the super-inappropriate-looking pictures. My friend was a rather enthusiastic photographer, so all the pictures in this post are from him. (There are 200 more where those came from.)
That said, during the show, lines were shouted at throughout, we danced/sang along to certain parts with extremely modified lyrics, a giant inflatable penis made its way through the stage several times, rice was thrown during the “wedding,” we were rained on (that’s what the newspaper was for), confetti was thrown, cards were thrown, we toilet-papered each other, condom balloons were batted around, I was hit with a piece of toast (I beaned it back at someone else), and we heckled the hell out of the movie. It’s kinda refreshing to have a place where you’re seriously encouraged to be as obnoxious as humanly possible.
Their costumes were definitely accurate. :O
Call me immature, but I could not help snickering when I saw this.
Their acting was also spot-on with the movie. Most of the time. The deviations were pretty hilarious.
His expression is pretty priceless.
In conclusion, I guess it really is something you have to experience for yourself, because words can’t really bring that atmosphere to life. I actually had a lot of fun, and I still have no idea what was going on in the film (completely fine by me).
(has nothing to do with RHPS):
We were all pretty effing hungry after the show, so we set out to find a 24-hour diner and ended up at State Street Grill. After some deliberation, I ordered the portabello mushroom sandwich (portabello mushrooms, chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, mozzarella cheese, drizzle of balsamic vinegar), which came with fries and cole slaw. After 1.5 containers of cole slaw (someone didn’t want theirs), my burger arrived. It was bigger than my head. :O! Hell yes, more bang for my buck!
Me: Om nom nom nom nom. :D!
Sam’s friends were basically staring/watching me eat the entire time with a mixture of wonder and shock. They’re also the ones who noticed that once I picked it up, I never set it down until the whole thing was gone.
M: Why is it always the tiny Asian girls that can eat the most!?
F: I like food…? :]?
C: Where does it all go!? There is seriously nowhere on you that that burger can be existing.
F: I have a second stomach in another galaxy?
Hooray for 24-hour diners though! That definitely hit the spot. Luke dropped me off at home and I crashed almost immediately (only to wake up 3 hours later to go to church; exhausted much? x_x but it was fun).